Eat My Cytoplasm

I dont care what anyone says
Im not ever going to be around you
And not hold your hand
Or have my hand around your waist
Or hold you close to me

She can try as hard as she wants
But she isnt keeping us apart love

Today was magical
As every moment with you is

"Eat My Cytoplasm, Because My Nucleous Isn't Very Happy With You Sir"

Oh Susanna

me: once a week, sometimes once every other week
Hector: so at least that is something. think of it kinda like your pick-me-up. kinda like hes your drug you getta take once a week or so to make all the problems go away you can take small doses earlier in the week: webchat phone calls but when ya hang out its like smoking a shitload a weed to calm down

so, you're my drug
My amazing
Magical
Pick me up
Never through me down
Loves me lots
Drug

I stress too much
Wayy to much
I'm terribly sorry love
Im sorry for slipping up last night..
I promised i'd tell you
And i will.

I love you <3

"Oh Susanna, Do Not Eat That Pickle, Its Silver, And Silver Pickles Are The Ones You Save For Nevada"

I Made An Envelope

The fact that even when im falling apart
At my lowest
You can completely pick me up
Makes me really and insanely happy
And the fact that you are still here
Even after my madness
Makes me even happier
Who knew it was even possible?

I wish today had been a better day for you
And for her
Hm
I hope she feels better soon
I hope she knows she has us that will be here for her
And if she doesnt
Then this blog is
Le proof -nods-

Anywho
Hopefully tomorrow will be a good day
I think it will be
<3

"I Made An Envelope Out Of Gum And EarLobes, Look Sadie!"

May I

In case you were wondering
You are my love
I love you so much
And nothing can change that
This blog is for you
The person i care about so very much
I feel so empty without you
Sure, I could live without you
But why would i want to?
After knowing the happiness
And love
I feel when I'm with you
Im not giving that up
I just hope you know that
I love you
I care about you
I dont want to lose you
And i am not usually the one to profess her love for someone
But you arent just someone
You're My someone
I love you

"May I Say I Loved You More?"

Meet My Fan

Hm, i dont know how to explain how you make me feel
I've kissed before
I've hugged before
I've cuddled before
But i've never felt the feelings you give me

You touch me and a shiver
Goes down my spine
And i never want you to let go

You kiss me
And i can feel the love
Surging through your lips
Into my heart

You look at me
And i never want to look away
I just want to see the smile on your face again

When im lying with you
I want nothing more but to stay there
You're arms make me feel safer than any other place

You kissed my neck today
And i felt so warm inside
Tingly
Happy
Loved

You make me feel so amazing
And i really dont want this to end
I love you, so very much
I hope you never forget that

"Meet My Fan, He Keeps Me Cool On Hot Days, And Looks Pretty"

Cheese Mr.M

I love you.
I dont think i could even begin to describe the magic
That this day held
Perfectly perfect


Knarona999 (11:26:02 PM): WHAT WAS YOUR FAVORITE PART?
Knarona999 (11:26:03 PM): :o
Mayachemgrl (11:26:06 PM): hrmmmm...
Mayachemgrl (11:26:09 PM): -thinks-
Mayachemgrl (11:26:54 PM): when i was laying in your lap, in the rink, and everyone was around us talking, and you were kissing my neck, and it felt like nothing else mattered, and it was just you and me, and you told me everything would be alright, and kissed me, then kissed my neck, and held me tighter
Mayachemgrl (11:26:55 PM): -nods-
Mayachemgrl (11:26:59 PM): what about youuu?
Knarona999 (11:27:13 PM): That same exact time <3
Knarona999 (11:27:25 PM): When I kept hold you tighter
Knarona999 (11:27:30 PM): and everyone was talking
Knarona999 (11:27:38 PM): and all my attention was on you

I dont know what else i need to say.
All that matters right now is me and you
Fuck the past
All that matters is our future
I love you.

"Cheese Mr. McIntosh, We're All Waiting For You To Show Of Those Pearly Eyes You Got There"

My Mouse's Name is Ricardo

Tomorrow is going to be a good day
I can feel it
Ice skating
But not actually ice skating
Ah
Im looking forward to this weekend

"My Mouse's Name Is Ricardo, What About Your Aardvark?"

Oh Zuthra!

Hrm
Yes
You did deserve it
Im glad you realize that
It is taking Alll the willpower in my body not to like
Attack you
I guess I'm just that amazing of a person =]

Anywho,
Cramps up the wazzoo
But thats okay
Phone's make me happy =]

"Oh Zuthra! Dont Leave Me! Anamopalis Would Be Very Sad"

Refrain, Like You Havent Seen A Monkey

Hrm
First days of school
Interesting information
Sad people
I dont wanna say i was happy
I dont want to say i was sad
I will just say i was
Intruiged
Because that seems to be the most appropriate term
I never thought i'd have to sensor my blog
Its like dA all over again
People reading this dont need to know certain things
But i get by
Like usual
Not like i have anything to hide anyway
Might as well strip and go to school naked
Except not really
I'd get arrested

Hrm
Someone almost blow up ERHS
Like ten years ago
It was an interesting thing to think about
What if i went there?
If i got blown up?
I know i shouldnt think of these things
But you know how sometimes you just cant help
But to think of some of these sorta things
Where will i be in ten years?
What would have happened if i was here?
What if i was there?
So many ifs out there
I cant help but to consider them all

Anyway
I've been having some interesting dreams lately
Some that make me happy
Others that leave me pretty shaken to be quite honest
But last night
I had a happy making dream
So smile on
And dream on
And hey
Why not even
Float on?

"Refrain, Like You Havent Seen A Monkey, We Had One Just Last Week In The Abridged Version"

Breathing

Who said birthdays were supposed to be happy?
It started out nice
Movies
Cute Kitties
Visitation
Seeing his face again
His hair
His eyes
Having him in my arms
Even if it was only for a few minutes
I'd nearly forgotten how
Right
It felt to be around him
He smells like heaven on earth
I cried
And he didnt walk away
He held me there
He wouldnt do that if he didnt care would he?
I dont know what i was thinking
Of course he cares about me
Then he had to leave
And i felt like a piece of me left with him
Im not sure thats such a bad thing
While it hurt like hell
A piece of me is with him
Watching over him
Protecting him from anything and everything
I took a walk
Got lost in my thoughts
Almost lost hope
Almost gave up
I dreamt
And he was there
I dreamt
And i felt his love
I dreamt
And i woke up.

"Breathing and Bleeding, Breathing and Bleeding, Simultaneously"

And The Apple Said.

sometimes, i feel like im drowning sometimes
drowning in a see of my own madness
and yes, im so mad i spelled sea wrong
it feels like i keep trying to swim up
and the more i try
the further i sink
and my eyes feel like they'll explode
i cant cry
because im underwater
crying will just add the the water
to the depth of the madness im floating in
sinking in
i just want to close my eyes
and let the water take me where it must
but something keeps making me open them
and keep trying
keep crawling
maybe im crazy
maybe i should just close my eyes
and let it go
i can see myself bleeding in this water
the red mixing with the clear of the water
the sun shining at the horizon
the birds flying
i can only imagine what they sound like
what the people sound like
so happy
so content
seemingly perfect lives
with true smiles on their faces
i remember when that used to be me
but its too late for that
i fucked that up over two months ago
maybe i'll get that chance again?
will it ever be the same?
do i want it to be?
does he?
maybe it'll be better
knowing what its like to part
maybe it'll be worse
because we parted
either way
i've gotta try
gotta see what happens
i couldnt live with myself not knowing
and if that makes me a homewrecking bitch
then so be it
if it makes me pathetic
then that sme
if that makes me crazy
stick me in your padded room

"And The Apple Said, I'm Too Ripe To Be Your Bride, Go Talk To The Monkey Tree, He'll Be Your Ride"

Cuz I Know I'm Good For Something

my oh my, i love you guys, oh so very much
its like you have making me feel like shit down to a fucking t
i guess i dont really have anyone to blame but myself huh?
im sure you wouldnt mind shoving that little theory down my throat
well here it is
my mouth is open
shove all the shit you want

people talk about all this wishy washy stuff
i love you
i hate you
yatta yatta
people say thats how i am
its funny
because thats not how i am with you
i love you
there is no hate about it
simple huh?
fuck no
but we can say that

and you my dear
you hate me?
really now/
oh thats sweet
i hope you have fun ranting about me behind my back
go ahead with your blog posts
and your rants
really i enjoy the fact that to my fucking face
you act like everything is chill
what does that make you?
hmm
the word is on the tip of my tongue
ah well, im sure you know what im talking for
nope
i dont hate you
i dont dislike you
frankly, i think you're a pretty amazing little girl
but thats exactly what you are
a little girl
i sincerely hope your relationship works out
really, i seriously do
im not some crazy homewrecker out to ruin your relationship
but hey
think what you want
i dont care

oh babe, you're an amazing friend
do you realize that?
i really dont think you do
i havent the slightest clue what i would do without you
i think i'd probably lose my mind
its like you're the Only person
who can really get what im going through
without judging me
you dont have to give advice
you just love me
for me
and are there for me
you dont try to change me
you dont yell at me
you understand that i make mistakes
that i fall apart
that i lash out
you're a fantastic and amazing woman

i wish i could love you.
but then again
maybe me loving you isnt a good idea
people i love
dont seem to turn out so well in the end

Cutting
Cutters
Cuttings

Yes that was a full sentence
yes it makes sense
is that what im doing?
i dont know
im cutting myself
making myself bleed
maybe with this next cut something will happen
i dont want attention
i could give half a damn if you cared
i just want it all to be okay
pathetic as it sounds
i want to be happy
im sure half of you out there want me dead
or out of your lives
thats totally chill with me
as much as i'd love for you to be in my life
i cant make you stay
those of you who want me around
well hello there
how're you?

"Cuz I Know I'm Good For Something, I Just Haven't Found It Yet"