Hit Me Baby One More Time

i dont really know what im writing about here..i have plenty to say, with no way to say it

love? pain? passion? intimacy?

all intertwined in a strange box loop that only boy scouts can make

im not a boy scout.

my loop comes out looking strange, with pieces missing, and not quite complete, with many loose ends, and threads askew

its not a full circle, more like a two hundred and fifty seven degree arc, so, many things fall out, but im trying my best

is my best enough?

i care so much about so many people, but how do i know when care means love

when do i draw the line between compassion, and passion

people think im so easy, but im not, i just dont know what else to do

im not going to have sex with you just because you ask, im sorry

no. im not sorry

you shouldnt have asked me in the first place

i've not much more to say i guess, for some reason, writing this is bring tears to my eyes, and it isnt even that deep of a blog

~Maya~

Can Someone Give Me an A-Minor?

You would think that after almost four months, i'd be over you

You are dating my best friend, and you two are totally in love with each other -or so you say, i have my doubts-

Me and you will not work

So why is it that when i listened to that cd.. all those feelings came back to me?

The feelings of love, pain, and worry came back

What happened to us? We used to be so perfect, the best of friends, and we told each other everything. Remember that survey question?

"Who's is the first person you confide in? Maya"

Is that true anymore? I would still come to you, if you would have me

But i guess you wont, you are too wrapped up in your relationship, it sounds so selfish, but there it is

You and catherine
Inseparable

Both of you are my close friends

And both of you have left me for each other

Am i supposed to shrug my shoulders and say okay? Move on and pretend i dont still care about you?

My heart aches with pain everytime i see you with her

Is it because i still love you? or because im worried about you?

Can it be both?

What am i supposed to do, i refuse to just let this fall apart

You are my best friend, and i cant stand by and watch us disinegrate into nothing.

~Maya~

Shake, Rattle and Roll

Sex.



I've realized i have a very strange outlook on life and sex.

To me, sex is just an action



Walk into a room ,take of your clothes, vagina meet penis, penis, lets ejaculate and possibly fertalize an egg, and the vagina may let you grow and be a new homo sapien, or stick a needle in you and kill you forever.

Sex.

love? has nothing to do with it

its an action evolution, or whatever you believe in, has allowed us to do, in order to help move along the species

if you believe in evolution, then its Evolutions way of saying "hey, the envirnment is changing, lets make more babies and hopefully, enduce some spontaneous mutations, and get a new species, Hurray!"

Love? nothing at all

but thats just me

i dont see the relation at all, frankly, i dont understand why people make such a big thing out of it, but they do, and apparently im supposed to run around acting like its the biggest form of unfaithfulness and cheating

you are helping populate the earth with homo sapiens, at the least, you are killing the Earth little by little

Congrats, you are killing a planet, how's it feel?

~Maya~

Jumping Jacks, On A Thousand Tacks

Sometimes I wonder what i meant to you, was i just some doll, that you kept around because i was fun to play with?

If so, why'd you keep taking me out of the trash, and playing some more?

It's crazy to think what goes through your mind, when you are calling me, to tell me that we cant talk anymore, that She doesnt like our friendship, and that we are too close.

It's crazy to think what goes through you mind, when you are calling me, to tell me that you've missed me and that you want us to be friends again, that you are so sorry, and will never leave me again.

I can not believe ive been such a fool to believe you time and time again, but i have, and i cant anymore. I miss you so much, what you Used to be, what i thought you were, and now that person is gone, so what do i have to hold on to? The old you may come back, but the likelyhood of that, is slim to none, and i can not keepwaiting for that day to come.

I will forever hold you in my heart, and care about you so much, but, we can not be friends, because while i am caring, and considerate, you are not. You are instable, and a pushover.

I know i am unstable as well, but i'd never leave my friends for a lover. While you have on numerous occasions

I love you, you were one of my best friends, but this is it.

Jumping Jacks, On A Thousand Tacks

~Maya~